World's Happiest Wife

The model Heidi Klum and her musician husband, Seal, not only to celebrate their marriage once. They do this every year, toasting each birthday with a lavish party and renewal of vows. Everything is fine if you're on a mannequin or the salary of a pop star, you might think, but not more than the party, says Seal. "It's a great party, but about an hour, we are on our own private beach," he explains. "We're sitting there with the kids and read vows to each other at sunset. This is a very special moment for us."

By all accounts, it works. You would be very difficult to find an established couple more enthusiastic about each other than Klum and Seal. As springs Klum: "I do not know why I had this opportunity. Sometimes I have to pinch myself and say," Is it just a dream? Not only do I love my husband for obvious reasons, but also one of the nicest, kindest men I ever met. "

Depending on your tolerance for public displays of affection, words of Klum could warm your heart or a heart condition. But there is something to say about Klum and Seal commitment to keep its flame. At a time when Hollywood films ends with beds, but most Hollywood marriages end in divorce, we can hear some good news? Or stories like romantic love in its shine leaving hair shiny unrealistic wants the real thing?

Clinical psychologist Anne Hollonds, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, is in two minds. High rate of divorce in one hand, believes that it is still possible to build a lasting relationship and marriage or not. I do not think is that Hollywood is the best place to find answers.

"Soul Mates is a good idea, but the danger is that if we make several assumptions about our soul mate will be," says Hollonds Sometimes these assumptions are superficial or material -. Sounds like a good money, a good car - but with the same frequency with which they have to do with what we expect love to feel.

"We think we know what love is for printing, because we see romantic comedies: it's easy, we should not pretend that the person is good for us we will always make feel special, "says Hollonds." The problem is that when we do not feel more when it becomes hard work, and we disagree, we think, "Oh, this person is not something to my soulmate more. "We think we were wrong about them."

Blogger Relations Merkas Emma (blog.30dollardatenight.com) agrees. "Many of the stratospheric expectations of what love looks like. When you have a relationship goal is to bring two different people in one line. You can not expect everything you want all the time."

Merka is a trap fell on himself. On their honeymoon in Thailand in 2009, took to reading the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. Meanwhile, her new husband poisoned the food was vomiting in the bathroom. "Twilight should come with a warning label:" It can cause unexpected disappointment with the love life, "said Merk.

"In Twilight, Edward watches Bella while she sleeps. I see the romance of someone who is attentive to you, but I can not really expect that of my husband."

That these expectations will have the opportunity to lead us to conclude as soon as we left the ratio would have otherwise been able to enjoy the show really intuitive. But what happens if I am also a very romantic sort of compromise? In other words, if you are looking for the wrong things?

As Hollonds points out, many of us have little real idea of ​​what kind of person would be good for us. Intelligent decisions depends on a strong relationship between self-knowledge, that without self-knowledge, the temptation to resort to formula and superficiality can be strong. Maybe we'll write a check list. Perhaps we will reject the second day, if the first does not lead to "fireworks". Perhaps we are out of Hollywood-style romantic gesture, and rennet in disappointment, when it arrives. Maybe we just want a wedding, a house and children, and decides that these desires are more important than waiting for the right person to come.

La Rochelle, a management consultant for 31 years, met her first husband when she was 15 and married at age 21. The marriage lasted two years. "It was a nice guy and still is," she recalls.

"Right Honourable, treated me well, but I had the feeling that this was the way it is" supposed "to be. You met someone who thought of marrying, he was asked and they did. I had not thought for me would be very different. "

Partly as a matter of timing. "Realistically, we were at the point where it was make or break. You married or you broke up. And yet we were very into each other. We have certainly not to end the relationship, so he been. "

If Rochelle settled, she believes she has been less about the shortcomings of their own criteria for your ex. "I thought I'd find a man with the straight cut 15, the clock has treated me pretty well and was good at sports," he explains. "I did not want the girls to school thinking that I was skanky, but I would not, I have no boyfriend. I thought I should find and retain. My first husband does not deserve to be taken on the issues that brought our relationship. If you pay, many people will be affected because of you. "

Others realize that they are out of place before marriage. Rani has recently broken her engagement to her boyfriend of six years as part of a broader reassessment of his life and values. "I changed my career [on the part of businesses and non-profit sector], and suddenly the idea of ​​those who came to share his life with something to consider, too."

The 26-year-old was unhappy with what she described as "broadband Game of Life has taken the UNI-girlfriend employment mortgage engagement-wedding-marriage-baby-death." Her ex, on the other hand, was "very happy" to be on this train.

For her it was a difficult decision. For one, he felt selfish. "There was almost a feeling of pressure that maybe I did something wrong. When this is done. That's what everyone does. "

So how can we be sure to enter a marriage - or relationship for that matter - for the right reasons? Is it a question of who you choose, or is it something that can be built over time?

Emma Merkas believes that drops your instincts. "People are not sure, but I think you know deep down if it is cold feet, or do not really want to marry this person, after all," he said, adding that you should not rely on the strength of feeling alone. "Passionate, all-consuming love, some couples are at the same time may not be exciting enough to make a marriage work."

There must be something deeper there. Bryan, 40, remembers meeting Amy, his wife of 14 years. "I understand is a significant difference to be with someone because it is and decide to engage in because of who they are and the life you build together," he says.

Anne Hollonds believes it is important to learn the difference between good and bad compromises. "Compromise is not in itself a problem. Life is full of compromises," he says. "But I think of what to look for a partner, the important thing is that you should be friends. Sex is very important, but sex without friendship and you're in trouble. There are times when you just need to enjoy to hang out together. "

Other major non-negotiable, are values. "This does not necessarily mean that religion - it could be things like honesty and integrity to tell the truth," says Hollonds. "And you have to learn is not always what you like. Sometimes you have to look out for the other person. "

Relationship between the veterans agree. Tracy Madden author of the essential ingredient - love, is her husband, Chris, since he was 13 years - and married 33 years.

Madden did not mean that she knew Chris was the man for his first day, but it gets very quickly that possessed the qualities sought in a mate. In his words, "You have to be on the same track and have the same goals and dreams."

But the lasting love is not only the person chosen, what do you do when you've selected someone. "Love is not just a feeling, is the way to behave," says Madden. "It 'important that you do not go to an engagement."

For Madden and her husband, which means putting aside an hour every morning, take a walk together. For the day Merkas regular night. In fact, recent studies have shown that the happiest couples are those who use their relationship as a forum to expand their skills, interests and experiences.

Perhaps what is really important Klum and Seal vow renewals year is the fact that the couple are regularly taking time to reflect on their relationship and why it matters. "It's a nice family time," said Heidi Klum.

"It 'good to remember this moment of love we gave to each other and strengthen it."

And how should we revise our expectations of what love is? It has to be in the amount of work we put in, says Merk. "Many people think that if the" best "will all slot in the right place and that's it. However, you leave your relationship what you put into it. If you rank as an important part of their life and take care of it accordingly, you have a much better chance if you finish in the bottom of the pile of priorities. "

Love is the drug

Many of us are familiar with the concept of sex addiction (think Tiger Woods). But you can also become addicted to the new high-fuzzy love?

"Some people are bad compromise in their relationship because they like the feeling of romance," says Anne Hollonds, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW. "These people are connected to the feeling of being in love that [are] the person you're with."

This should not be a surprise. The first stages of love to create a high chemical and hormone that helps us connect with our partners and makes us want to be with them all the time. The problem is that the high does not last. A love addict may be obsessed with finding your perfect match, jumping from one relationship to another in search of someone who will fulfill your fantasies.

But, warns Emma Merka blogger love, "Love does not have to be hot all the time. People should not think that your partner does not like just because he has never left the top of a limo with a bunch of roses, or a boat trip through a flock of white swans. Love is manifested in different ways, and you can lose if you are expecting to present a certain way.